The other day I was talking work financials with my coworker Craig when he lifted a piece of my hair from his desk. I laughed and said that reminded me of a Jim Carroll poem where he keeps finding his ex-girlfriend’s hair all over his house. The poem, While She’s Gone, is absolutely fantastic – filled with phrases that are potent enough to bring tears to my eyes. It has lines, such as:
It’s hard to walk from a love that never endedÂ
You see, your leaving occurred without / The foreplay of anxiety which is essential / Before one flies through the window of a car / Out of control
Your boundaries were too narrow / Everything planned assiduously / Within surgical thin perimeters.
Inside those boundaries assurance and fantasy bule and merge / Inside those boundaries, thought and action become one / Without distinction. Those outside / Get spun, unravel / … And I’ve done everything I’m accusing you of.
Why do you smile so widely in every picture I have of you? / Sometimes it makes me feel like slapping you
It makes everyone a fool, awake and in dreams. I wound up / Loving something I was forced to reinvent, deconstruct / Though I know you so well now / Come to understand your meaning / That’s the worth of a lifetime / Everything else collapses / Or repeats often enough to forget
You have always been so far away / You have always / Been right here
These are just a few of my favorite lines (the poem is 10 pages long!). It’s worth reading; the entire book, Void of Course, is fantastic and for those of you who aren’t familiar with Jim Carroll, he also wrote The Basketball Diaries, which is autobiographical. Leonardo DiCaprio played him in the movie.
Later in the day I was sitting at my desk and this poem came tumbling out – not as good as Jim Carroll’s perhaps, but it’s mine. Enjoy.
Strand of Hair A strand of my dark hair fluttered down, landing on his desk. He picked it up with two fingers and laughed, saying, “I think this is yours…” I smiled sadly, thinking of you – packing boxes and moving while I stood in my office. You will never again be plagued by a random strand of my hair, nestled amongst your sheets.